Write Like a Pretentious Artist! The Arty Bollocks Generator!

German film director, Werner Herzog.

If you simply must hang your work in a gallery, then here is the tool you’ll need to make just the right impression on your viewing public: The Arty Bollocks Generator.

It’ll flawlessly create your entire artist’s statement for any truly serious and irreproachably artistic endeavor.

Some samples:  ‘My work explores the relationship between the tyranny of ageing and skateboard ethics.’

‘As shifting phenomena become frozen through emergent and personal practice, the viewer is left with a statement of the limits of our world.’

Please be serious, donate to a charity, write a manifesto, and for god’s sake go to a gallery for some bloody education!  Then take yourself to see a fine German movie… film, I meant ‘film.’  Okay?

Now get going.

And for further sublime examples of pretentious statement-making, try Werner Herzog’s film school!

Warhol and Maciunas: A Film by Jonas Mekas

This is a film by Jonas Mekas that features Andy Warhol, Yoko Ono, John Lennon, and George Maciunas who founded the New York art movement known as Fluxus. The film shows a Whitney Museum art opening in 1971 and an artists’ party in New York. Home movies become an artform in Mekas’ hands.

Those Dreams That On the Silent Night Intrude; The Secret Cinema of Jerzy Treblinka: A Film by Luca Gennari

This is a Super 8 film made on a single cartridge without post-production effects by Italian filmmaker Luca Gennari for the Straight Eight Festival at Cannes 2010. There’s a great reference to the brilliant Super 8 filmmaker Derek Jarman buried in here. This film glories in the history of abstract, surreal and neorealist cinema. But it fuses those things with a documentary realism. It ties the artistic workings and ramblings of a mysterious filmmaker to the darkness, horror and murder of the Twentieth Century.  I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again… Italy is involved in a cinema movement that is just as profound as the movements there in the 1940s, 50s, and sixties. The filmmakers in Italy who are today using the Web for their expression are the equals of Fellini and Rossellini.

NYPD Moron Gives Bicyclist Ticket for Not Riding in Bike Lane

Casey Neistat is a New York bicyclist who got a ticket from some moronic New York City police officer who felt that Casey should ride in the bike lane… no matter what. So the camera-wielding rider made a video about the whole affair and why the cop was totally wrong. But look at this drooling goober hired by New York to wear a uniform. If this is the standard of police intelligence in good old NY, then god help those poor island dwellers! A bicyclist can be killed by staying in a bike lane, as this video so clearly illustrates. You do not have to stay inside a bike lane. Bikes are legally entitled to occupy traffic lanes if the rider determines that to be the safest course.

Alamo Drafthouse Cinema Throws Idiot Texter Out of Theater

MATURE CONTENT AND LANGUAGE:

Oh yeah! Go Alamo Drafthouse Cinema! I’m totally with ya! Listen to this nattering twit with snot for brains as she expresses her outrage over being tossed out of a movie theater minus refund for texting. Sometimes, don’t you wish you could drive a coat hanger through the head of one of these people? I recommend throwing these boneheads out onto the sidewalk face-first. Who gives a fart about a jackoff who needs to text in a movie theater? I’ve actually heard a-holes sitting in movies while engaging in loud telephone conversations. They can become very belligerent and downright dangerous if confronted about their rudeness. It would be nice to see mob reactions in these cases where cell phone users in movie theaters are actually ejected by the audience. They should be thrown into traffic so they can be run over. Cell phones are the great IQ test of our time. To loosely quote an old movie: The more you text, the stupider you are.

Doll Clothes: A Short Film by Cindy Sherman

Artist, photographer, filmmaker Cindy Sherman made this short stop-motion film, Doll Clothes, in 1975. I only just realized during my most recent viewing that she was actually continuing the conversation with Marcel Duchamp’s ‘Nude Descending a Staircase, No. 2.’

There’s a glitch in the YouTube video, so you’ll need to drag the slider a bit to get the movie started.

Duchamp’s ‘Nude Descending a Staircase, No. 2’ (1912):

I found this via the Echo Park Film Center.

Star Trek: Phase II

Start Trek: Phase II is an amazingly expert series of fan films made by and starring James Cawley. Aside, from the new faces playing familiar roles, the show nails the original Star Trek look head on. I mean for goodness sake there’s an entire Enterprise bridge set that is perfect. Everything works! A lot of hard work goes into these films and they serve admirably as new Star Trek episodes. Fantastic.

Here’s the Phase II web site.

With thanks to Paul Gallagher at Dangerous Minds.

Artist Profile: X – A Film by Adolfo J. Lara

Here’s some action art complete with painters scaling buildings at night, secret identities and even a police chase. Artist X made the beautiful ‘Thank You Andy Warhol’ images that went up across L.A a few months ago. I drove by one that was attached to one of the pillars holding up a major highway overpass and was struck by it immediately. I even tried to video it with limited success through my windshield.

The film is by Adolfo J. Lara.

The Religions of the World Are the Ejaculations of a Few Imaginative Men

You may recognize the source of the quotation that serves as title to this post.  It’s Ralph Waldo Emerson writing in his 1844 essay, ‘The Poet.’ Emerson is the intellectual bedrock of America.  He is a founding father of thought.  He embodies the true spirit of America and represents her coming of age.  Certainly, there were smart people before him.  But something in his character and thinking best express the searching confidence of the American intellect that flourished between the Revolution and the Civil War.  If you are a bit lost, a bit depressed, creatively mired, at sea, confused by the cascade of information delivery, then just go pick up a book of Emerson’s essays.  You will become calm.  You will wonder why he gets such a sudden grip on you.  You will read and re-read nearly each and every single sentence.  You will then ignite.  Your depression, your stasis will be ended.  You will be leaping ahead of yourself to learn something new – to make something – to observe something.  Do not doubt me.  I know whereof I speak.  Emerson is the most modern and most quintessentially American mind in the history of this country.  He is also one of the greatest and most productive philosopher poets to have ever lived.  Henry David Thoreau and Walt Whitman, two of this country’s greatest writers, were friends of his.  In fact, the three men are essentially responsible for the entire construction of the American mind.  Their basic contribution, as I see it, was to modify the puritanical sense of religion that was rampant in this country and inject it with something based on Eastern thought.  The mode of thinking which most closely resembles Emerson’s is Buddhism.

Here’s a fascinating line of thought from Emerson’s ‘The Poet’ essay:

The poet knows that he speaks adequately then only when he speaks somewhat wildly, or “with the flower of the mind”; not with the intellect used as an organ, but with the intellect released from all service and suffered to take its direction from its celestial life; or as the ancients were wont to express themselves, not with the intellect alone but with the intellect inebriated by nectar.

Most poets and musicians actually misinterpret that part to mean that they should experiment with drugs as mind-openers.  Everyone from Jack Kerouac to Bob Dylan to Keith Richards has apparently made this rather simple-minded misreading of Emerson.  Or perhaps they didn’t read him at all.  I suspect they could have saved themselves an enormous amount of distraction and a few suspect singles if they’d simply finished reading this magnificent essay.

He goes on:

This is the reason why bards love wine, mead, narcotics, coffee, tea, opium, the fumes of sandalwood and tobacco, or whatever other procurers of animal exhilaration. All men avail themselves of such means as they can, to add this extraordinary power to their normal powers…

But it’s a false road.  He continues…

Hence a great number of such as were professionally expressers of Beauty, as painters, poets, musicians and actors, have been more than others wont to lead a life of pleasure and indulgence; all but the few who received the true nectar; and, as it was a spurious mode of attaining freedom, as it was an emancipation not into the heavens but into the freedom of baser places, they were punished for that advantage they won, by a dissipation and deterioration.

If writing today, Mr. Emerson might well add Internet information overload to his list of baser and false nectars.

Milton says that the lyric poet may drink wine and live generously, but the epic poet, he who shall sing of the gods and their descent unto men, must drink water out of a wooden bowl.

If thou fill thy brain with Boston and New York, with fashion and covetousness, and wilt stimulate thy jaded senses with wine and French coffee, thou shalt find no radiance of wisdom in the lonely waste of the pine woods.

One must keep it simple.  Emerson defines the poet as someone who can free us from thoughts that bind us.  We can, like the man who freezes in a snowstorm just a few steps from his door, be locked forever in a single thought that lies just next door to the thought that could completely free us.  A single liberating thought can be inches away but forever locked out of view.  The poet can, by breathing his or her truths into our ear, unlock our thoughts and free us in a split second.  A flash.  We don’t even need to understand what it is that the poet is saying.

The poets are thus liberating gods.

I like that.  It just sounds awesome.

And here is an excellent documentary film about Ralph Waldo Emerson. Watch it.

CHAD MU$KA x CYRCLE presented by AJL: An Art Film

I was filming a ton of shots on Melrose Avenue this past Friday and I stopped purely by chance in front of this piece at the De La Barracuda wall where I took closeups of various parts of the image. I didn’t realize it had just gone up and was a collaboration by artists Chad Muska and Cyrcle. This fun art film is by Adolfo J Lara.

Found the film via Melrose & Fairfax.

Luna Park: A Film by Luciana Botelho

Paris filmmaker Luciana Botelho travels and films her love of light and color. In this one, filmed in Lausanne, Switzerland, she turns carnival rides into a celebration of exploding light and pattern that seem to exist in their own realm apart from reality. Her interests seem to lie in the unnoticed beauty of everyday environments. Her camera observes with that sly calm that I admire in any artist. She steals moments of beauty from the unaware because they do not own the moments – she does.