Category Archives: Halloween

Mystery Contest for Halloween 2010

by Cimaxion | 4 Comments

If you want to enter the mystery contest, just finish the mystery I’ve started below by entering your part of the story into a comment.  The contest is open to all writers of any age and skill level.  Have fun and take the story in any direction you like.  None of the comments will appear until a winner is picked.

I’ll post the winner on Thursday, October 28.

The beginning of the story takes the form of a hastily written email complete with misspellings and awkward phrasing.  Just finish the story by entering your text into a comment and make it as scary as you can!

Good luck.

Here’s how the mystery email starts:

From: stephipro31
To: [email protected]
Date: 10/30/2009 12:31 pm
Subject: I’m Don’t Know What to Do – Please Call Me!

Jen, oh my god I really don’t know what to make of this or do.  You must call me soon.  Right away!!!  I can’t believe this!  Am I going crazy or is this for real?  Anyway I guess I better lay it out for you as quickly and simply as I can.

Oh well… ok, so it was the other day, Wednesday I think, right after you told me on the phone that you would meet me for lunch at Mr. Pete’s and we’d go from there to the park.  Remember I was in a hurry doing laundry?  Well I got mad because the washer got stuck, you know how with too much in the load the spin thing goes all out of whack and wobbles until the whole thing just stops dead?  That happened.

So I was all pissed and I had a pile of Jake’s whites in my arms and I was tripping over crap on the floor and his shoes and I tried to reach with my finger to push my coffee cup away from the edge of the dresser but it spilled and I got ever madder.

So I threw the clothes down and yanked his drawer open and it came all the way out of the whole dresser and made a big crack and it smashed my foot.  Well after I stopped cursing and being all curled up on the floor holding my foot I tried to put the drawer back in place.  But i saw a little package on the floor underneath where the drawer should be.  It was wrapped in brown paper and twine.  I picked it up.

This is really freaking me out, Jen.  So anyway, I held the little package and then I just thought, ‘Who cares?  I’m just gonna open it and if Jake gets mad well then he can do his own laundry for a while.

So I unwrapped it and it turned out to be a really old black book with a leather cover that smelled that way old leather things get in an attic you know?  It was even crumbly at the edges and the spine was broken and the whole front cover was almost wiggling right off.  But I opened it and it was filled with writing.  Some in ink.  Some in pencil that was faded.

The very first thing on page one said, ‘London is a town with much to offer me and it is with a sinking heart that I leave it, bound for Austria on the fourth, then on, several days later, to Sarajevo.’

That’s how it started, Jen.  So I read that and then my finger went in the pages at the back of the book and there was this lump.  I flipped to the back and some pages were all stuck together.  Glued, Jen.  Glued together to make a pouch.  It felt like something was in there, so I tore it open and some pictures fell out.  Four little photos.  And then I picked them up and I looked at one which was of a woman in a black dress with a big locket on a chain around her neck.  She was beautiful even though the photo was very old and hardly even there any more.  I saw photos of two different houses lying on the floor.  Just houses with lots of trees around them.  But then I saw the fourth photo Jen.  And oh god I don’t know what to do and I screamed.  My body was shaking and I just let out a scream I was so scared Jen.  The fourth little photo on my bedroom floor had a date written on it right on front Jen.  1897.  That’s what it said.

And I picked it up to see it closer.  I couldn’t breathe  it was jake

can you help me now jen?  I’m so scared now because it was him.

Now, continue the mystery by leaving a comment.

Tiny Japanese Kids Fight With Zombie

by Cimaxion

Oh this is Halloween for real now! These tiny kids take all the ruckus very seriously and handle the terror of the situation with some admirable creativity. My favorite part is near the end where the little guy starts yelling at the adult in charge. That zombie really is pretty terrifying.

Cellphones are Destroying People

by Editor | 4 Comments

WareNewYorkerLook at that cover.  Look at exactly what’s going on there.  Makes you almost cry, doesn’t it?  It better.  Because if it doesn’t, then baby you’ve got it coming.  Chris Ware, one of our finest cartoonists did this cover for the New Yorker and made a comic strip for the issue.

I see people crossing streets while typing on their ‘devices.’  I see them driving and sitting in fine restaurants with their dates and they’re answering email and texting.  Makes you want to walk over and plant a big kiss on some guy’s date right in front of him while he texts his mother.  Would serve him right.  People are not even remotely aware of other people anymore.  They drive right through stop signs while texting or chatting on a cell phone.  They wipe out entire families on freeways because they were trying to type, ‘OMG Heeee’s sooooo hot!!!!’

These people are simple dark abominations.  They are fools who understand only how to be dead, dried husks that resemble human beings.  They think they are part of the information overload and that they are multitasking through life.  They’re just obliterating themselves.

Let me put it this way: if somebody sees you using your device, you’re not using it properly.

Sometimes I see a woman in the grocery store answer her cell phone and say something like, ‘Yes, honey,  I’m in the grocery store.  I’m looking for those little pepper things now.’

Do you know why the guy calls her there?  I do.  It’s because he thinks she’s cheating on him because he knows she wants to because he’s a total flaccid drip.  That is why 99.9% of all cell phone calls on the planet are placed.  That is why the cell phone economy works.  It’s nervous people checking up on their significant others to make sure they’re still around.

You know I’m right.  You’ve done it too.  Haven’t you?

But look at this cover illustration and think about trying not to do such an awful thing to your kid this Halloween.  Try hard, because that kid will never forget that little screen in your face.