{"id":7151,"date":"2011-06-22T20:31:57","date_gmt":"2011-06-23T03:31:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.candlelightstories.com\/?p=7151"},"modified":"2011-06-22T20:40:17","modified_gmt":"2011-06-23T03:40:17","slug":"sometimes-a-dead-jackass-is-just-a-dead-s-o-b","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/candlelightstories.com\/Blog\/2011\/06\/22\/sometimes-a-dead-jackass-is-just-a-dead-s-o-b\/","title":{"rendered":"Sometimes a Dead Jackass is Just a Dead S.O.B."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Hey, it’s never too early to call a jackass a jackass, is it?\u00a0 No it ain’t.\u00a0 Leave it to a prick like me if you want.\u00a0 A jackass driving drunk at 132 miles per hour<\/a> who suddenly goes to zero is better for everybody, that’s what I think.\u00a0 Whatever his dim friends might say about it, a jackass in a Porsche going 132 mph is simply firing his gun into a crowd.\u00a0 Just like the soldiers in Syria who probably swallow some good shots down before pumping bullets out into a crowd of innocent people.\u00a0 When a jackass gets drunk and puts a friend in his car and drives 132 mph down a road and crashes and kills himself and his passenger I call it manslaughter.<\/p>\n

Some of this dick’s friends thought it might be a good idea to call movie critic Roger Ebert some nasty names for Tweeting ‘Friends don’t let jackasses drink and drive’<\/a> shortly after the ‘accident.’\u00a0 They thought somehow it might be too early for such harsh criticism.<\/p>\n

Would it have been too early for me to have thrown a rock through Ryan Dunn’s windshield?\u00a0 Because I surely would have if he’d driven past me that night.\u00a0 You betcha.\u00a0 I do lots of windy mountain road bike stuff and nine times out of ten its some jerkoff with a beard in a Porsche that comes speeding through and nearly misses a curve.\u00a0 I kid you not.\u00a0 These guys with the Porsches have some issues, it seems.\u00a0 I’ve got a very bad attitude about these people.\u00a0 If one of them takes me out while I’m on the road, I give everyone permission to beat the guy to death with a rock.\u00a0 You can also smile at his dead body if you like – just like I’m doing now.<\/p>\n

I had a friend in high school back in the seventies who decided to drive 100 mph down Constitution Avenue in Washington, D.C.\u00a0 He crashed into a tree.\u00a0 Killed his best friend and his lovely little sister who was a year behind me in school.\u00a0 I ran into this prick several years later in a burger joint.\u00a0 He looked like a homeless broken nut at the age of nineteen.\u00a0 I said ‘Hi’ and shouldered him out of my way at the door.\u00a0 Forgiveness is for twits.<\/p>\n

But that’s just the kind of nightmarish guy I am.<\/p>\n

So Ryan Dunn’s friends can bend over low and kiss my ass.\u00a0 A dead jackass is better than a live one any day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hey, it’s never too early to call a jackass a jackass, is it?\u00a0 No it ain’t.\u00a0 Leave it to a prick like me if you want.\u00a0 A jackass driving drunk at 132 miles per hour who suddenly goes to zero is better for everybody, that’s what I think.\u00a0 Whatever his dim friends might say about […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[298,163],"tags":[1942,1943],"class_list":["post-7151","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news","category-opinion","tag-jackass","tag-porsche"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t