{"id":2709,"date":"2009-10-27T23:11:53","date_gmt":"2009-10-28T06:11:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.candlelightstories.com\/?p=2709"},"modified":"2009-10-27T23:12:30","modified_gmt":"2009-10-28T06:12:30","slug":"cellphones-are-destroying-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/candlelightstories.com\/Blog\/2009\/10\/27\/cellphones-are-destroying-people\/","title":{"rendered":"Cellphones are Destroying People"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"WareNewYorker\"<\/a>Look at that cover.\u00a0 Look at exactly what’s going on there.\u00a0 Makes you almost cry, doesn’t it?\u00a0 It better.\u00a0 Because if it doesn’t, then baby you’ve got it coming.\u00a0 Chris Ware<\/em>, one of our finest cartoonists did this cover for the New Yorker<\/em><\/a> and made a comic strip for the issue<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I see people crossing streets while typing on their ‘devices.’\u00a0 I see them driving and sitting in fine restaurants with their dates and they’re answering email and texting.\u00a0 Makes you want to walk over and plant a big kiss on some guy’s date right in front of him while he texts his mother.\u00a0 Would serve him right.\u00a0 People are not even remotely aware of other people anymore.\u00a0 They drive right through stop signs while texting or chatting on a cell phone.\u00a0 They wipe out entire families on freeways because they were trying to type, ‘OMG Heeee’s sooooo hot!!!!’<\/p>\n

These people are simple dark abominations.\u00a0 They are fools who understand only how to be dead, dried husks that resemble human beings.\u00a0 They think they are part of the information overload and that they are multitasking through life.\u00a0 They’re just obliterating themselves.<\/p>\n

Let me put it this way: if somebody sees you using your device, you’re not using it properly.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I see a woman in the grocery store answer her cell phone and say something like, ‘Yes, honey,\u00a0 I’m in the grocery store.\u00a0 I’m looking for those little pepper things now.’<\/p>\n

Do you know why the guy calls her there?\u00a0 I do.\u00a0 It’s because he thinks she’s cheating on him because he knows she wants to because he’s a total flaccid drip.\u00a0 That is why 99.9% of all cell phone calls on the planet are placed.\u00a0 That is why the cell phone economy works.\u00a0 It’s nervous people checking up on their significant others to make sure they’re still around.<\/p>\n

You know I’m right.\u00a0 You’ve done it too.\u00a0 Haven’t you?<\/p>\n

But look at this cover illustration and think about trying not to do such an awful thing to your kid this Halloween.\u00a0 Try hard, because that kid will never forget that little screen in your face.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Look at that cover.\u00a0 Look at exactly what’s going on there.\u00a0 Makes you almost cry, doesn’t it?\u00a0 It better.\u00a0 Because if it doesn’t, then baby you’ve got it coming.\u00a0 Chris Ware, one of our finest cartoonists did this cover for the New Yorker and made a comic strip for the issue. I see people crossing […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[659,163,319],"tags":[350,2491,393,325,130,442],"class_list":["post-2709","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-halloween","category-opinion","category-technology","tag-chris-ware","tag-illustration","tag-iphone","tag-ipod","tag-magazine","tag-new-yorker"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/candlelightstories.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2709","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/candlelightstories.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/candlelightstories.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/candlelightstories.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/candlelightstories.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2709"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/candlelightstories.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2709\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2713,"href":"https:\/\/candlelightstories.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2709\/revisions\/2713"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/candlelightstories.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2709"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/candlelightstories.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2709"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/candlelightstories.com\/Blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2709"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}